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The best of the worst science jokes

 Date: 22 May 2018 Author: Joey

﻿Think science students aren't funny? Think again! (or don't really).

In the first of our Science blog series, here are 12 of the best (worst) science jokes that we came up with after years of meticulous research. Enjoy, and remember: consume science responsibly.

1. Two particles are talking. One particle says to the other, “I feel like a proton.” The second particle replies, “are you sure?”, and the first particle replies, “I’m positive!”
2. Newton, Pascal, and Einstein are playing hide-and-seek. Einstein begins to count, and Pascal runs off to find a place to hide. Newton, however, just gets out some chalk, and draws a 1-meter by 1-meter box around himself. Einstein gets to 100, opens his eyes, and spots Newton. “I found you Newton!” he exclaims. Newton replies, “No, you found Newton per meter squared. You found Pascal.”
3. A photon enters a hotel to check in. The bell boy asks, “Don’t you have any luggage?”, and the photon replies, “No, I’m travelling light.”
4. Some professors confront Einstein after he gave his students the exact same exam paper as the year before. Einstein reassures them by saying “Don’t worry, the questions were the same, but I changed the answers.”
5. Infinite people walk into a bar. The first person orders a pint. The second person orders half a pint. The third person orders a quarter of a pint. The bartender just pours two pints and exclaims, “You people need to know your limits”
6. There are 10 types of people in this world. Those who understand binary, and those who don’t
7. What do mathematicians do when they’re constipated? Work it out with a pencil
8. Two men walk into a bar. The first man says, “I’ll have some H20 please” (trying to appear smart, probably a chemist). The second man follows suit, saying “I’ll have some H20 too!” The second man died.
9. Heisenberg was driving down the highway. A cop pulls him over and asks, ‘Do you have any idea how fast you were going?’ Heisenberg replies, ‘No, but I know exactly where I am.’ The cop says, ‘Well, you were going at 140km!’ And Heisenberg replies, ‘Great, now I’m lost!’
10. There are two types of people in the world. Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.
11. Einstein is on a train leaving Groningen. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Amsterdam stops at this train?"
12. Never trust atoms. They make up everything.