Alumni in love: Gijs Tol & Tanja van Loon

Gijs Tol (45), studied archaeology (1998-2005), PhD in 2011, University of Groningen; Associate Professor of Roman Archaeology at the University of Melbourne, Australia.
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Tanja van Loon (42), studied archaeology (2002-2009), PhD in 2017, University of Groningen; research assistant at TALY, Australia
Relationship since: Christmas 2003 / married: 8 August 2008 in Italy / children Thommy (14) and Simon (12).

Gijs

'In the summer of 2003, I went ahead with a few other senior-year students to prepare for the expedition in Nettuno. The freshmen arrived two weeks later. That was the first time I saw Tanja. I hadn't seen her in Groningen yet, and I immediately had a crush on her. The first time I had a real conversation with her was on the way back. I drove the other students home in a big yellow rental van, and Tanja was the last. She thought she knew the way, but nothing seemed right. It took us forever.
I ended my relationship at the time when I came home. Tanja and I started hanging out, mostly with other people there. I liked it like that because I didn't know if she liked me. This way, I could get to know her in a safe setting and also share parts of myself.

I don’t really take the initiative when it comes to love. But I did suddenly start going to the institute more often to meet Tanja. One day, we were talking about Christmas. I was complaining about being alone. She suggested that I come for dinner on Boxing Day with her and her mother in Borger. I thought it was because she considered me a bit pitiful. But I immediately said yes.
I brought a home-baked espresso chocolate cake, one of my first attempts at baking. After a fun evening, I missed the bus back. Well, I had to stay over. However, the guest room was full of boxes; her mother had just moved. Tanja said that an extra mattress wouldn’t fit in her room. The only remaining option was sleeping in her bed, with her. Bravely, I lay beside her, my heart rate racing at 180. I didn't dare do anything. After an hour, Tanja sat up: ‘Are you going to kiss me or what?’

A month later, she moved in with me. We got married in a fortress by the beach in Italy, in the town where we first met. We like the same music, the same films, and we have the same sense of humour. That's what I look for in a partner. Someone who is my equal in everything. A companion. Someone you enjoy being around all day. In the areas where we differ, Tanja complements me or offers a different opinion, smoothing out my rougher edges.
My job application in Australia was something we discussed together. It was the best thing for our family. It was not an egocentric step on my part. Still, it doesn't diminish the fact that Tanja sometimes feels that she has lost out in terms of work and career. I find that hard to see and I’ve felt guilty about that.'

Tanja

'At the end of my first year of archaeology, in the summer of 2003, I left for fieldwork in Nettuno, sixty kilometres south of Rome on the Italian coast. The fieldwork itself was not very successful. After six weeks of walking around the fields, my team had only found about six sherds. But for the first time, I was all by myself in another country, with fellow students, doing something we all found interesting. It was a liberating feeling. And then there was Gijs! I liked him from the moment I saw him. I didn't know whether I was in love with him or with life at that moment.

I was dating another Gijs at home. I met him at my job at the Albert Heijn supermarket in Borger. Nothing happened between the new Gijs and me in Nettuno. In the period that followed, both of our relationships ended. Gijs and I were often together, not brave enough to say we liked each other. We circled around each other for a long time and finally got together during Christmas 2003. Things moved fast after that. We moved in together and already picked a special date to get married: 8 August 2008. I immediately felt at home with Gijs. I thought he was attractive, but I particularly liked the fact that I could be completely myself with him.

We share an adventurous spirit. We dare to do things without overthinking. We lived in Italy for a few years and travelled to other countries with the children, as young as they were. We moved to Australia in 2016. We had never been there before.
Here, I couldn't do much with my PhD in Italian archaeology. I did some teaching, but that was difficult to combine with taking care of the children. I would love to do something for the community, preferably something in a library. I just completed a Master's in that and I hope to get a job in a public library. Meanwhile, I analyse data and write reports for a company in the recruitment industry.

I wouldn't want to go back to the Netherlands. I have found a place for myself and have made friends. Our children are real Aussies now. We are settled here. We recently bought a house with a small garden in Melbourne for $800K, roughly €600K. A ridiculous price for a two-bedroom cottage. But every day, I'm so happy with it! Sometimes I even think: suppose we'd had a mansion, we'd be all spread out, and we wouldn't be so close all the time. I suspect my children, who share a room, think about this differently.'