The way we were raised
Was parenting really stricter in the past? Have parents become “soft”? Has the balance of power between parents and children shifted in favor of children? And are parents now more on their own in raising their children than they were in the past?
Assumptions about how upbringing in Dutch families has changed over the past century are persistent, but less self-evident than often assumed, as Mandy Talhout’s doctoral research demonstrates.
Drawing on over 300 interviews with three generations who grew up in the Netherlands between 1920 and 2015, Talhout examined what youth narratives reveal about changes in upbringing and about how people remember and interpret their upbringing. The study shows that developments in family bonds cannot be reduced to a simple shift from strong to weak ties but are strongly shaped by their layered context. In addition, changes in parent–child relationships and parenting practices were more gradual and less uniform than is often assumed. At the same time, there was striking continuity, for example in parental authority, warmth, and trust. Finally, the study shows that stories about upbringing not only provide insight into the past but are also shaped by the ideas and norms of the time in which they are told.
This research invites professionals, policymakers, researchers, and the wider public to place questions about upbringing in a broader perspective. It also underscores the value of oral histories as narratives that provide insight into the past and how people later make sense of it.