Talk about it!

We are all perfectly well aware of the Covid rules and we know what is expected of us. And yet many of us have experienced moments when we have found ourselves bending the rules or even ignoring them altogether.

Many staff and students live alone and the university buildings are eerily quiet. If people do happen to run into each other in the corridor, all thoughts of Covid sometimes seem to fly out of the window. What should you do if you see people breaching the rules? Should you say something? Or is it better to let it go?

What can you do to help?

Following rules means behaving in a certain way and we can all use a nudge in the right direction sometimes. But it can be really difficult to know how to challenge the behaviour of a colleague or a fellow student. What do I say? Will they think I’m a bore? Will they get angry? Perhaps it’s better to just keep my mouth shut. But if you keep silent, nothing will change.

Why give feedback?

Effective feedback provides a person with information that helps them to understand how their behaviour impacts others. It can have a number of positive outcomes:

• It can improve your relationship and your ability to work well together.
• It can help you to better understand each other.
• It gives the other person the chance to change their behaviour, which will help them as well as you.
• It is a way of encouraging desirable behaviour.

Tips on giving feedback

• Don’t wait too long. The shorter the time between the incident happening and you giving your feedback, the better.
• The right tone will make all the difference. Be friendly and choose your words carefully.
• ‘I-messages’ are less confrontational than ‘you-messages’. For example, it’s better to say ‘I think the distance between you was less than 1.5 metres’ rather than ‘You were breaking the distancing rules’.
• Focus on the actual behaviour you witnessed. Don’t turn it into a personal attack: ‘What I saw happening there was not right’, rather than ‘You’re setting a bad example’.
• Don’t assume that you know what the other person’s motives were. Don’t be tempted to explain their behaviour or to moralize.
• Give the other person chance to respond and don’t insist that they accept your feedback. Bear in mind that their behaviour may have touched a raw nerve with you which may have resulted in you feeling more strongly about the situation than someone else might.

What to say

The following approach might be helpful:

1. Describe what you saw the other person doing. Stick to the facts. Don’t interpret or judge.
2. Say how the behaviour impacted you. Describe how it made you feel, e.g. ‘It made me feel uncomfortable’ or ‘I felt unsafe’.
3. Ask the other person whether they understand what you mean.
4. Suggest alternative behaviour and discuss whether it is appropriate and feasible.

• If the behaviour is related to your work setting, you can make agreements for the future, e.g. ‘Let’s agree that from now onwards, we will keep 1.5 metres apart’.
• If the alternative you have suggested is not appropriate or feasible, keep talking about it until you have found a solution that works for both of you.

Tips on receiving feedback

So, you’ve learned how to give feedback. But what if you find yourself on the receiving end?

Try to see it as an opportunity to learn about your behaviour and the impact it can have on others. You don’t have to agree with what has been said, but do try to get to the bottom of what the other person is actually hoping to achieve with their feedback.

• Don’t get defensive.
• Don’t dismiss what the other person is saying.
• Listen carefully and ask for clarification where necessary.
• Avoid getting into a ‘yes, but’ dialogue.

All being well, this will foster mutual understanding and help you to get along with each other better in the future.

Don’t keep silent

Talk to a fellow student, a colleague, your study advisor or your manager. You may well discover that they find it as difficult to challenge other people’s behaviour as you do. A problem shared is a problem halved. Help each other. Share tips – not just on this issue, but on coping with life in general in these strange times. Here are some suggestions to get you started:

• For staff (login to My University)